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From the opposite end of the workbench

…the twisted ramblings of a ship modeler.

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Post-Apocalyptic Ship Modeling

Well, it's dominated our world for quite some time now...and it was finally time for the people to have their say...Nope, sorry, it's not the threat of a nuclear explosion, it's not the fear of dropping an X-acto knife into your foot. It's not even...DARE I SAY IT?!?!?! It's not even Herb, the Master of All Mutants. It's time for the 'Post Apocalyptic Man on the Street Interview'...

'Wow!' I said to myself, he knows me too well! So I've told myself I've got to fire off an email to him and to Tim, and to Noel, and to everyone connected to this site so that they know they've described me. But it's not an airbrush I want--oh no siree! It's for JAG to put out an upgrade kit for the California. Just imagine! Ack, ack, ack, ack, ack ack, ack,ack, ack, ack, ack, ack..."
Well, the mother ship just checked, gotta run!

You wouldn’t happen to have a DVD boxed set of ‘Schoolgirl Juggies’ would you? If you do, can I borrow it?

I know I shouldn't step on this land mine but hey my mom never said I was the sharpest knife in the drawer. The line from sixteen candles comes to mind when molly ringwald said to anthony michael hall...(Well at least your king of the geeks, that accounts for something.)

Ok, the knife thing was funny, but ya’ shoulda stopped right there…Any guy who can quote lines from ’16 Candles’ needs help, probably more help than the Star Trek people. Don’t go using the excuse that Molly Ringwald was hot either, cause she was like 13 when they made that movie…

Oh sure your going to get a complaint ever once and a while from people who get a knot in their shorts.

Have you ever had your shorts tied in a knot? Is there any scientific evidence that this can actually cause bad attitudes or moments of idiocy? I think we need to conduct some experiments…any volunteers???

Just because an idiot can be called by a more politically correct label doesn't make him/her less of an idiot just as calling "spade" a "hand operated earth moving implement" doesn't make any more than just a spade.

Uhhh, ok, I always called it a shovel…does that count?

That's Mister Bozo to you!

Sir, yessir!

Just out of curiousity, can anyone win this bet? Or just Jeff?

It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how badly you damage the enemy. Sometimes, they do it to themselves.

What is your beef?????

That would be a 24oz. Porterhouse, medium rare, with mushrooms, and a baked potato smothered in butter and sour cream, with an ear of corn on the side, and good beer. It wouldn’t hurt to have the St. Paulie girl as your waitress either.

I would love to meet you in person, so see you in Phoenix in 2004, or if you wish look me up in Tucson, I am in the phone book. Until then you can kiss my ass!

Smooches!! That’s right, smooches!! And then we’re gonna head to the America West Stadium in Phoenix for WrestleMania 1,496!!! It’s a tag-team steel cage deathmatch where anything goes, including uncensored verbal assaults on your political beliefs…Special guest referee is Rush Limbaugh. I’d head for Tucson, but I don’t have enough Greyhound miles yet…a couple more trips to see Ma in prison, and I’ll be there!!

I was going to leave your pathetic, thin skinned rants lie like the apparent dog turds they are won't shut up. Ok, so you ARE a balless, intolerant moron incapable of understanding sarcasm, comprehensionally challenged and a loud what? I'll address my points in bulleted style so that MAYBE you will grasp them....

Tell us how you REALLY feel!!!

If you've made it this far and have two neurons to rub together and generate an actual synaptic response, you might POSSIBLY (but I rather doubt it) realize all I've done is point out a few non sequitors, fallacies and falsehoods in your claims. Obviously YOU don't have to live up to the ideals you think OTHERS should live up to....

Neurons – Two guys named Ronald that you’ve never met before.

Synaptic – The act of commiting a sin while sleeping.

Sequitors – those shiny things Elvis had on his white jumpsuits.

If you dont do the editorials Herb Wins…And lord knows we wouldnt want that. Plus since when have you been politically correct : )

Being politically correct, in my opinion, involves placating someone above and beyond the levels of what we as a society consider ‘polite’. As long as I still see little old ladies giving people the finger, I know deep down that the world still has some normalcy left in it.

Keep up the good work,theres all ways a few that will come out of the closet, what made me laugh was the photo of some one stood next to the Enterprise name plate, I know it was not in the editorial, but was that Herb, hahaha.

No, that was me...Ok, so maybe I am Herb…I believe there’s a little Herb in every one of us…now, about this coming out of the closet thing, you do remember that I’m a homophobe, right?

Just because some people are thin skinned or lack a sense of humor, or life for that matter, should not preclude you from your early morning, overly medicated rantings!!!

The doctor says that as long as I can still spell dysfunction, err…dis-function, uhm, disfunkshun, I’m okay.

What's next? If they stop, I'll know that you have created a paper trail to the "funny farm." Keep 'em coming.

Well, I couldn’t spell disfunkshun, and they’re now padding my cell with those papers!

22 positive replies.....I think the unwashed masses have spoken!

Is that what that is? I thought the fishing fleet was back in port.

To us Canucks we just thought you were behaving in character as a New Yorker :-)

As a former Canuck, I guess I can now be compared to a Quebecois!!!

Don't you dare stop the editorials, after reading the first one I had to go buy some Depends because of the mess I made while laughing....I still have some and would be really mad at you if they went to waste…

That’s not my writing, that’s called incontinence.

I look forward to your rantings. You have a talent for putting into words what most of us experience as modelers and you make it even better with your own brand of humor. For the most part , your editorials are home runs, however, I did find one of them a bit embarrassing.

Well, sorry to disagree with ya’, you want to see embarrassing? We’ve read about one guy coming out of the closet, another wetting himself, and another fellow who has pictures of someone else wearing a Klingon Headpiece, Vulcan Ears, IDIC Pin, and a Pink Ballerina Dress ? No reason to be embarrassed, and if you are, well, you’re in good company methinks!

It's time to end my life! All these years watching it from the beginning to be the Best Starship Officer I can be, to become the dashin' swash-buckin' Ladies Killer of all the Universe........

Uhhh…add this guy to the above mentioned ‘embarrassed’ comments.

To the few who can’t handle it, or take it personal, the only advice I can give is, take a bath in super glue and develop a thicker skin.

Please refer to the editorial called ‘War wounds’

I keep it for Blackmail purposes only ;-)

There we go!!! Good old fashioned blackmail from the competition…things are definitely getting back to normal around here!

I know, maybe we could have an ugly model contest?

Don’t you think this has gotten ugly enough? If you need to be reminded, please refer to the editorial entitled ‘Ask Doctor Jeff’. Please note Mrs. Herb on the left.

Think about it this way, if we had bonafide social skills, would we be here reading this now?

Probably, since we’ve got nothing else better to do…

My evil friends in the model train world call "Herb" a much better moniker: "The Polyester People"

Hmmm…is that the same as Teflon Don?

I find them to be thought provoking most of the time and comical just about all the time.

I firmly believe as a qualified professional, that what you are experiencing are the effects of the medications, coupled with thin air at high altitude, and Tenax 7R fumes…it’ll pass.

Editorials? What Editorials????

This is a perfect example of a Clinton-ism….

Some comments require no responses:

Screw 'em

 Ack, Ack, Ack, Ack. Ack, ack, ackacka ack.

So there you have it, from the masses…I’ll close with my own comment:

I coined the phrase 'mutant' a long time ago... and for a very good reason.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it…now, let's get back to building models!!




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